Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The Olympian is in my bed
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
