My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
