Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
