"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
