he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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