Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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