He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
