He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
