there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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