OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize