John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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