I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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