oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
