You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
