Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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