your thong is hanging out like whoa
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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