well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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