I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
