I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
