I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
