no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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