there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
then he tried to convert me to islam
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
