I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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