Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
