This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
