I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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