I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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