We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
