fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
