i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
