I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Is Oprah even human
Randomize
