...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
