If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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