Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
