I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
