That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
