WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
