How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
And then the night went full on bisexual.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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