There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
