is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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