Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize