please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
