My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
