You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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