i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
