This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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