just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
