you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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