I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
