fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
