I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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