i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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