why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
