tell your sister to shave her snatch
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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