Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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