I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
