That's intense
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
