i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
