Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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