Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
