Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
