Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
