Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
