Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
