I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
