I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I love you.
Bad choice
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