even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
