I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize